kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
[personal profile] kaberett
Includes current politics + mental illness, HURRAH.

  • Dear everybody goyisch, and especially everyone white and goyisch, who is reblogging Dear White People THIS IS US shit in re Charlottesville, without reblogging things about Jews' conditional access to Whiteness, given what was being chanted there, I see you. I am pretty sure you're just not thinking! Please think about it.
  • I am really struggling with the posts currently doing the rounds about how ~~engaging in gratitude exercises is bullshit~~ (specifically prompted by Gratitude Lists Are B.S. — It Was an "Ingratitude" List That Saved Me). I have been Not Engaging but it seems to me that this criticism of engaging in gratitude practices is... fundamentally based on a massive misunderstanding, i.e., it's also incredibly valuable and necessary to get validation that the shit you're dealing with is hard. "and here are three things I can be pleased about" isn't about denying that bad shit is going on! It's about defiance and stubbornness and spite and taking joy anyway. Which is another place this article goes wrong:
    I started making gratitude lists every day — following the directions carefully and making sure to be specific about the reasons I was grateful: I had a loving husband who laughed at the same obscure Saturday Night Live sketches as me. I had a dirt cheap apartment in the hippest neighborhood in Los Angeles. I had a commercial acting agent and got to go on big Hollywood auditions for high paying gigs.

    ... that's... not actually specific. It's generalities. It's not "I saw a ridiculously bright green caterpillar on my way home, I didn't even realise nature came in that colour". It isn't "this specific thing that happened specifically today". It's trying to convince yourself that your life is ~in general~ great, which is unequivocally not what those exercises are for! And I recognise that the problem here is the exercises being explained poorly, but also AUGH, the feelings of alienation and invalidation and isolation that are coming from reading this shit when I don't think it would be kind or helpful to go "actually have u considered".
  • on which topic: observe me here making a list of the things that are stressing me out. observe that that is literally some of my counselling homework at the moment. write a list of the things that are shit rather than sweeping them under the carpet and then wondering why you're miserable! and also take joy in... surprise free ice cream while a group of musicians plays light jazz on top of the book barge on the canal!
  • Minor and petty (but nonetheless contributing to a sense of alienation): a post that is doing the rounds of tumblr that features an illustration of someone with incredibly expensive leg prosthetics using an incredibly cheap and nasty wheelchair.
  • OH RIGHT AND, I say, coming back to edit this in because MORE PETTY SHIT I'M ANNOYED ABOUT: the pronunciation-of-scone "debate" is not a real argument! it serves the same social function as talking about the weather! few if any people ACTUALLY CARE. it's oKAY. IT'S JUST SMALLTALK.


OKAY THAT WILL DO FOR NOW.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-17 12:27 pm (UTC)
davidgillon: A pair of crutches, hanging from coat hooks, reflected in a mirror (Default)
From: [personal profile] davidgillon
Good point re Charlottesville. Scratch the alt-right and you find the old reich peeking out

What's been pissing me off is US right wingers whining that no one is criticising left wing voices there, which is creating a supposed moral equivalence between racist thuggery, and taking a stand against it.

Ice cream plus jazz plus books sounds like a pretty gratitude worthy evening to me!

And, sigh, cluelessness re wheelchairs and prosthetics, especially WRT cost, seems relent lessly endemic.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-21 02:19 am (UTC)
fyreharper: (Default)
From: [personal profile] fyreharper
Fwiw, I do not intrinsically care about Pokémon one little bit, but it is utterly delightful watching others take joy in it/find the thing useful/etc!

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-24 02:37 pm (UTC)
davidgillon: A pair of crutches, hanging from coat hooks, reflected in a mirror (Default)
From: [personal profile] davidgillon
The anti-semitism was sadly obvious. Not sure how anyone could mistake it!

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-17 12:37 pm (UTC)
alexseanchai: Blue and purple lightning (Default)
From: [personal profile] alexseanchai
the thing I saw on FB from a Jewish guy? Jews aren't white, however pale their skin (and this guy's is about as pale as mine, per photo), any more than paler black folks are white. for the same reason, which I'm gonna CN: rape as tool of oppression, and I'm sure you can imagine the rest if you care to try.

I mean the landscape is probably different your side of the pond? but his post sounded a lot like "conditional access to Whiteness" is the same thing to Jews that "passing privilege" is to queers and trans folks.

eh idk I should keep my emphatically not Jewish ass out of this conversation probably?

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-18 05:02 am (UTC)
alexseanchai: Blue and purple lightning (Default)
From: [personal profile] alexseanchai
re trans "passing", well yes and no. I pass spectacularly well as a cis lady and uh. (I can't pass as a cis man, but then I'm never trying to, either, where it is sometimes useful and often less hassle to just let people assume shit based on the boobs and dangly earrings.)

but yeah, good point re linguistic nit, noted for future :)

what, you think the Nazis care that you're not Jewish in ways that matter to Jewish folks? I mean, speaking of pedantry. :P

and for srs speaking of pedantry, it occurs to me that every now and then someone actually does convert to Judaism and some of those folks actually are white. guy I cited previous comment's Ashkenazi. this seems a relevant distinction.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-26 10:52 am (UTC)
alexseanchai: Blue and purple lightning (Default)
From: [personal profile] alexseanchai
Ah, noted :)

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-26 06:21 pm (UTC)
redbird: closeup of me drinking tea (Default)
From: [personal profile] redbird
It may also be worth noting that, at least in the United States, "looks Jewish" means "looks Ashkenazi," excluding not only converts but Sephardic, Yemeni, and Ethiopian Jews (and probably several I'm not calling to mind at the instant).

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-17 08:38 pm (UTC)
redbird: closeup of me drinking tea (Default)
From: [personal profile] redbird
What counts as white has varied over time and place, in complicated ways, because race has never been a biological absolute.

My mother and her parents were German Jews who survived Hitler in part because they sort of, sometimes, "looked white," and because my grandparents' French was good enough that they sounded like native speakers. To a first approximation, most of the time, I think of myself as white: I have that sort of privilege in a lot of contexts. And I feel a lot less safe now than I did a year ago, and that's more because of anti-Semitism than because I'm out as queer.

What you've said here doesn't feel like you're intruding inappropriately in the conversation: "I saw this interesting post by a Jewish guy" is a long way from trying to speak for a sometimes-oppressed group you're not part of.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-17 02:58 pm (UTC)
watersword: Keira Knightley, in Pride and Prejudice (2007), turning her head away from the viewer, the word "elizabeth" written near (Default)
From: [personal profile] watersword
Oh my god I feel you so hard on most of this.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-17 04:05 pm (UTC)
recessional: a small blue-paisley teapot with a blue mug (Default)
From: [personal profile] recessional
- The "white people this is us" shit aggravates me on so many levels, some of them petty (bitches y'all tarred and feathered my ancestors, lit their home on fire, would've raped several of them except it turned out they hit harder and their horses liked them more, and chased them out of the country and that's just on the TOTALLY white side so fuck you I am not part of your 'us') and some of them NOT petty (these fuckers are explicitly neo-Nazis and KKK they're out there in that iconography directly the list of people they want to light on fire is REALLY BROAD THANKS so yeah could you add some fucking more qualifiers to your thing there, starting with Xtian and then even getting rather more fucking sectarian than that even? and then I'm not getting INTO queer and disabled shit) that it is in fact part of why I'm tumblr-vacationing.


- I have much sympathy. I have this with CBT a lot, for the same reasons - like, not just the exercises being explained poorly but being understood poorly BY the health practitioners who shove them on everyone without any regard for detail or their own misunderstanding. And like, I'm someone who the "gratitude" mis-understanding was pushed on so hard that I literally have to do an INSANE amount of reframe ("list things that are pleasing to me in this moment") because the SECOND "gratitude" gets invoked all I hear is the shit that article is reacting to, you know?

Which feels like part of the larger problem of "a technique gets developed or elaborated in some very careful, 'bespoke' level work by a very intelligent practitioner, and it's good . . . and then it gets disseminated in the worst kind of mass-produced LAZY crap, and that's how you get Participation Trophies, and it just fucks everyone up in a new way."

And it's super frustrating.


- I discovered that I like a new kind of ice-cream! which is convenient as ice-cream is one of those things I have Autisms about. But I like butter-pecan icecream. Apparently.


- If I could draw I would draw you Yolanda's wheel-chairs they are all sexy. (She has more than one OBVIOUSLY, because the one that's for her office is not the one you use to go on unpaved paths or to the beach with your great-nephew or horrify your niece by pretending to do wheelchair parkour in.) (She does not actually do wheelchair parkour she is FIFTY-SEVEN THANK YOU she has no desire to break her shoulder and make her life INCONVENIENT. But her niece is way too much of a fussbudget about her mobility so it's fun to make her go AAAAAGH AUNTIE DON'T DO THAT! and it makes her niece readjust her fussbudgetting about the great-nephew as at least he does not pretend he's about to jump an entire flight of stairs.)


- . . . .wait are we having a Moral Argument about whether or not you are allowed to troll people about how they pronounce "scone" now. *knocks head on desk*

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-17 05:35 pm (UTC)
recessional: a small blue-paisley teapot with a blue mug (Default)
From: [personal profile] recessional
- 100% yes, totally unambiguous on that level at all. Just also, just. No. Go away. This performative crap is crap, and demanding this performative crap is crap and GET OUT OF MY REVOLUTION and ugh WHY ARE HUMANS and Icon. *is coherent and eloquent really*

- XD I am not sure that he's harassed her with prototypes just because I'm not sure how much they actually interact when it isn't 100% boss-employee dynamics, which put him on better behaviour, and since she seems perfectly content with what she has it's less of a drive to LOOK I BE FRIEND MAKE YOU THING! You know, I should probably map out "who Tony thinks of as an employee and who Tony thinks of as a cooperative partner even if he SAYS they're an employee", if only for my own quick reference. XDXD

- oh silly kid. *gives them tea and a book and puts them in a window seat somewhere*

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-17 04:11 pm (UTC)
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
From: [personal profile] alatefeline
Thank you.

I also have issue digesting that post about the ingratitude list. It's great that that author found a way to do something that worked for them! But my 'random shiny things' AND my rants work for me! And that is okay.

I have made note of the dear white and goyisch white people reminder.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-17 07:55 pm (UTC)
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
From: [personal profile] alatefeline
>> Part of my frustration is that I can see what the author is getting at and why
they think that! <<

Makes sense to me.

>> But also they have been MISINFORMED and I wish to CORRECT them, which is an impulse that rarely ends well. <<

Yeeee-ah. It is VERY RARELY possible to correct someone who does not solicit your input, and even when one CAN it's generally only on narrowly specific facts and only if they, y'know, accept that fact-based reality exists, and they still resent it. In my experience.

But one wishes to INFORM PEOPLE of the CORRECT DETAILS and NUANCES and it is so very very desirable to attempt to COMMUNICATE INFORMATION. Agh, why are humans. I am particularly aggravated when I notice myself doing *both sides* of this!

>> I am happy to talk in more detail about why the This Is Us thing gets my back up, if you'd like. <<

You certainly can, either here or in a PM to me, if you like. I'm interested in the topic. But I am *not* (generally) on Tumblr or Twitter or Google+ or Facebook or anything precisely because I don't want to field any of the frenetic hyperbolic talking past one another. So I haven't seen the OP or any of the more notable responses, and I'm not sure if you would really wish to propagate (directions to) messed up content in the course of explaining to me why it is messed up. Thank you, though.

<3 I hope there are good things in your day today. Yes. *makes little fuzzy-ripply catnoises like a bubbling pot, because catperson*

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-17 05:53 pm (UTC)
liv: In English: My fandom is text obsessed / In Hebrew: These are the words (words)
From: [personal profile] liv
I was quite impressed with R' Ruttenberg's article about Jews and conditional access to whiteness. If you're in a mental state where reading a thoughtful, intersectional article by a rabbi (who herself is directly active in anti-Fascist and opposing Trump actions), this may be useful, and if not, feel free to ignore.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-18 02:53 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] ewt
the pronunciation-of-scone "debate" is not a real argument! it serves the same social function as talking about the weather! few if any people ACTUALLY CARE. it's oKAY. IT'S JUST SMALLTALK.

Thank you! I did not know this and have had a few instances of not knowing how to deal with the topic when it comes up (I tend to revert to "but I'm foreign anyway and I moved a lot as a kid so my pronunciation is sometimes odd").

I don't really understand the weather-as-smalltalk thing, or more specifically the bit where if it has been raining for three days many people seem constitutionally incapable of remembering that the sun still exists, it has shone here before, and it will again. (And if it's been hot for three days, they can't remember it ever having been cool or cold, and so on and so forth...) I think Canadians do weather-as-smalltalk too but it is different in a way I'm not sufficiently articulate today to be able to describe.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-26 11:59 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] ewt

Yeah. I'm used to changeable weather, but my "cold" is -40°C and my "hot" is 40°C and so my instinctive response to "weather's been a bit cold lately hasn't it?" is along the lines of "No, not really" because I'm not at risk of either frostbite or hypothermia if I don't wear a hat and mittens to go outside, but that...is not what people expect out of the conversation, and tends to come across badly. You'd think after living here for 17 years I'd have gotten the hang of some kind of sensible response, but instead it throws me every single time. (I am getting a lot better at "lovely weather today, isn't it?" though so that is something.)

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-28 06:40 pm (UTC)
azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)
From: [personal profile] azurelunatic
The one time I did weather-as-smalltalk, it turned into an excuse to talk about the superficial features of places we-as-a-table had lived or visited. The reason for needing smalltalk and needing it to stay small was because errand-friend and I were having burgers and had been invited to share the one accessible table (I had a cane and nobody else was a mobility device user, the place was just that full up) with two complete strangers. So instead of sitting in silence or risking a *hostile* silence-or-worse with the wrong topic (US politics had picked up speed on the downhill slide to the current dumpster fire), I brought up the rain. (The rain being why there were none of the outdoor tables available.)

So, yes. Forced teaming. San Francisco area, US.

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kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
kaberett

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