kaberett: a patch of sunlight on the carpet, shaped like a slightly wonky heart (light hearted)
[personal profile] kaberett
Unfamiliar but meticulously planned route (mostly on tube) to friend's house in Peckham earlier: actual panic including some capslocky flailing text messages.

Improvisational night buses back: not a problem.

Which, as best as I can tell, is because (1) nobody was expecting me/waiting for me, and (2) it was travelling homeward so the journey got progressively easier. Anyway, the upshot is that it took me 90 minutes to get home (via three buses), of which half an hour was walking; I could probably have shaved some extra time off by taking a route I was less familiar with but hey, whatever, I got a lot of code written on the buses and successfully made it home, so.

Ten good things:
1. Awesome ex-housemate C's birthday not-a-party; pizza + cake + a bafflingly preposterous film.
2. ... I made a cake while simultaneously making dinner and reducing the washing-up pile to tractable size...
3. ... and just about squeaked it all into the available time after getting back from work, where I sorted out cleaning up the mass spec.
4. Lots more of the ridiculous script! Really I should not be at ~200 lines to plot some bloody graphs I think, and on the other hand I'm doing rather better error handling and abstracting lots etc etc etc. (Well, relative to an early incarnation. It's still preeeeeetty specific to my particular data and how I've piled it up.)
5. I am continuing to derive more satisfaction than is perhaps reasonable from the silly computer game I'm being ridiculously completionist about.
6. I am having a lot of thoughts and feelings about being-imperfect-in-public, and what it means that I am proud of putting up shoddy code and poem drafts and such, and maybe there will be a longer post on this.
7. Housemate (who is a pretty integral part of my support system at this stage) has told me about a couple of medium-duration trips away from home she'll be taking in the next few weeks. I continue not freaking out despite the relevant trauma (like, it isn't even sitting up and sniffing). This continues incredibly validating.
8. Having articulated that I have spent the past couple of months pretty continuously low-grade triggered, I am much calmer and much more together and much more relaxed and it is awesome. It is so, so nice. It is so nice.
9. ... Korra 4x04 went some way towards redeeming the terrible politics of the first three seasons??? Decidedly partial, but!
10. Sleep-tracking app appears to be having the effect of encouraging me to consciously work on catching up on sleep (and to be more aware of what I do need to average). I'm currently averaging ~8hrs/night; I really do need to get it up to 9, and while that clearly isn't going to be happening tonight it's very nice to have the information. The downside is that when I'm getting ~enough sleep I get much more vivid and memorable (and often unpleasant) dreams than when I'm in continuous major sleep dep, but hey.

Oh! And I washed my hair, and Ancillary Sword is more and more appealing the more I sit with it, so I suspect I will be going back to it for a slow-and-steady reread sometime soonish.. General Please.

(no subject)

Date: 2014-10-27 03:28 am (UTC)
jelazakazone: black squid on a variegated red background (Default)
From: [personal profile] jelazakazone
Yay for getting home successfully!

Re: #6. By nature I do things publicly, so being imperfect publicly is just the default for me (not that I always like it, mind you). I find it so inspirational when other people do the same because honestly we are all imperfect and that's actually where the beauty lies (for me, anyway).

Oh, question for you: do you think women hold themselves to a higher standard/feel more pressure to perform in certain ways than men do and thus maybe suffer from Imposter Syndrome more? (I realize you do not ID as a woman, but thought you might have some insight into this).

(no subject)

Date: 2014-10-27 01:49 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] khronos_keeper
Can I ask for name of sleep app?

(no subject)

Date: 2014-10-27 04:50 pm (UTC)
davidgillon: A pair of crutches, hanging from coat hooks, reflected in a mirror (Default)
From: [personal profile] davidgillon
Lots more of the ridiculous script! Really I should not be at ~200 lines to plot some bloody graphs I think, and on the other hand I'm doing rather better error handling and abstracting lots etc etc etc.

Sometimes doing what you need is just messily complex - reminds me of a formal review of one of my routines, all my management arrived saying 'this is ridiculously overcomplex', _9 hours_ later we walked out of the room everyone agreeing with me that it did exactly what the spec required it to do.

and Ancillary Sword is more and more appealing the more I sit with it, so I suspect I will be going back to it for a slow-and-steady reread sometime soonish.

Definitely enjoying my leisurely re-read of Justice, which I plan to immediately follow with Sword just to see if any extra thoughts click together from the immediacy of reading them together.

(no subject)

Date: 2014-10-27 09:23 pm (UTC)
calissa: (Default)
From: [personal profile] calissa
As I am struggling with my perfectionist streak, I look forward to hearing your thoughts on being imperfect in public.

Mmm... cake. What kind, if you don't mind me asking?

I'm glad to hear that you are doing better on a number of different fronts.

<3

(no subject)

Date: 2014-10-27 09:40 pm (UTC)
shanaqui: Jo from Supernatural. ((Jo) Come on now)
From: [personal profile] shanaqui
I still need to read Ancillary Justice. Gah. Time. Need more of it.

What sleep tracking app are you using? I'm pondering using one myself, particularly while I'm coming off my meds,

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