kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
Hello! You are a person! You are probably lovely! I like people!

This journal ends up being a bit of a mix of Srs Business (rants; things I've learned from counselling; &c), fannish & scientific joy, linkspams, poetry, & misc life updates. I tag fairly compulsively, though not always helpfully; I use content notes; I have written up a cast of characters; I aim to maintain this as a safer space, and appreciate (but do not expect!) call-outs when I mess up.

I like it if you introduce yourself when you subscribe, but it's definitely not required. Probably 30% of this journal is access-locked; I give access very readily. Fanworks are always public; AO3 is the canonical place to find my list of works. I'm very happy for you to link to anything that's public, and I'll be even happier if you let me know you're doing it. :-)

Welcome!

permanent wishlist -- care & feeding () -- contact info ()


[archiveofourown.org profile] kaberett -- at the LashBlog -- [ravelry.com profile] kaberett -- BPAL.org -- kabe@rett.org.uk
kaberett: a watercolour painting of an oak leaf floating on calm water (leaf-on-water)
I have very clear memories of my ten-year-old self being immensely, deeply unimpressed by Rothko and Mondrian. I was very angry about why this constituted "art"; my definition of art explicitly excluded square canvases painted a single colour.

My ten-year-old self is gently unimpressed every time I stop dead in front of a six-foot-square matte black canvas in an art gallery, wonderstruck, and go "hmm, yes, isn't it fascinating what's being done here, isn't this good."

I am nursing a theory that the main differences between me-then and me-now are:
  1. I'm no longer in a situation where my autism is actively decried, and have internalised that it's okay for particular colours or shapes to make me happy, just because, and (as a superset, really)
  2. I've started believing that it's okay for me to have and experience emotions full stop (and am sufficiently well medicated that I can and do).

Which means that, over the past few years, I've stopped interpreting modern and especially abstract art as, fundamentally, threats: I've stopped responding automatically with defensive suspicion and fury to forms of art that (crudely!) exist to make me feel things.

There is nuance to this, of course. Seeing the Barbara Hepworth exhibit at the Tate Britain, the (possible? probable?) reasons for my emotional response clicked into place when I read that a lot of her more abstract work was in response to or in dialogue with her feelings of being cradled by landscape, and particularly by the Lake District and by Cornwall; all of a sudden it was obvious to me that the sense of home-and-safety-and-familiarity I get off those sculptures is, in fact, the same sense of awe and belonging and recognition I get staring out to sea or feeling dwarfed on valley floors or what-have-you.

That was followed up by another visit to the Tate Britain, one day I wound up in the right area of London with some time to kill, where what I'd intended to do was poke my nose into some of the public galleries. I saw War Damaged Musical Instruments advertised on the website and ignored it -- and then stopped dead in the middle of the hall it occupied, the moment I got there, and spent twenty minutes sat there crying.


One of the things I've been gently sad about for quite a long time is that I'm a classically-trained musician who is mostly very, very bad at listening to classical music unless it's something I've played or am preparing to play, such that I'm listening as a technical study. (I think I've talked before about mostly relating to music as either a technical study or a vehicle for lyrics, but if not I can give it a go.) I'm starting to think it might be time to have another go.
kaberett: A photograph of a dark-grey train with white cogs painted on the side, with a bit of station roof visible above. (trains)
Wheelchair physics -- deliberately designed to be generally accessible and written by a physicist in collaboration with a wheelchair user. Links onward to a more in-depth PDF, which is probably something to read after I've slept...
kaberett: a patch of sunlight on the carpet, shaped like a slightly wonky heart (light hearted)
... because I have just made P read it, and then we stayed up til 1am talking about it, and I haven't talked about it here yet because Too Many Feelings, which I will now attempt to sketch.

(Spoilers within!)

Read more... )
kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
I started a new antidepressant on Monday. Read more... )


I saw respiratory medicine a week ago, for my first appointment, and it was promising in several respects. Read more... )


Gynaecology: ultrasound results not yet with my GP. I'm going back in a month and we'll talk about them then, or if there's anything particularly exciting in them he'll give me a ring. (There won't be.)


Pain clinic information session: less dire than I expected. Individual assessment as to whether I'm a good candidate for the group course to follow sometime in September.


Physio: still making improvements, though I'm (as expected) really struggling to manage the amount of physio I'm supposed to be doing with actually going into work, i.e. I've become much more inconsistent about compliance, which is vicious-spiralling slightly because of the associated increase in difficulty of doing the things. Nonetheless, podiatry are expecting to discharge me at my next appointment in September because of how much I've improved with them, and I think that's the right decision; chasing up physio for the rest of me is on the todo list but just... hasn't happened yet.
kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
Tomorrow lunchtime (I know this is late notice sorryyyyy if it helps any I haven't really done my other prep yet either) I have the opportunity to provide a high-profile medical school with advice on how to make their OBS&GYNAE teaching more inclusive of and welcoming to trans patients.

I think I've got the factory-default uterus setup pretty well covered, but I want to make sure that I am representing (as best I can) trans people who *don't* have that set of factory-default anatomy, and their/your concerns about accessing gynaecological health care.

If you would be willing to drop me a line about your thoughts, in comments here or in private message or in e-mail, I would be super grateful. <3
kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
and I am already at the "stirring a mug of soup with a pencil" level of academic. send help.

Babies

Jul. 3rd, 2016 11:05 pm
kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
Help me out here, internet: babies. Read more... )
kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
I have just received an appointment letter for the thoracic medicine clinic! Lung stuff investigation now scheduled for the end of July.

demanding scans and tests and NOT CONTRIBUTING and
kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
  1. Oral-B Pro-Expert Clean Mint toothpaste. Blue, sparkly, and cinnamon-flavoured. I don't understand why it's called Clean Mint. It contains, as best I can tell, no mint, apart from a slight cold sensation. The flavour compound is cinnamal. It is blue and sparkly and cinnamon.
  2. UltraDEX mouthwash (previously RetarDEX). Optional mint-flavoured sachet. Absent the optional mint-flavoured sachet, it tastes slightly of chlorine.


(I am Not A Fan of mint-flavoured things if they are anything other than field/garden mint, in which case I love them; peppermint and spearmint are Not My Friends because, approximately, they taste too loud, and given that I am utterly unwilling to floss because hands and only reliably brush my teeth twice a day if I'm living with someone who will coax me on the topic at bedtime because executive dysfunction and also hands, my dentist is much happier when I am using mouthwash. I am aware that other people feel similarly about mint, and a partially overlapping set of people are in a similar position with respect to this specific healthwork. Here are the things I use, people, and may they bring you if not actual joy then at least diminished resentfulness.)
kaberett: Sketch of a "colourless, hamsterish"  animal having a paddy. (anxiety creature)
... the time from waking up to the first hate speech directed at me by a Leave voter was three hours.

She was an NHS employee providing me with necessary medical care.

She told me that Leave was a good result for the NHS -- because it can't cope with all the people who don't work, don't contribute, demand scans and MRIs, expect free prescriptions, even expect free paracetamol rather than buying it themselves.

She was cutting a dressing off my hand.

She asked me what I thought.

I thought: every single one of those things you listed describes me. I thought: I have just been told by a medical professional that I don't deserve care. I thought: there is no way I'm telling you you just described me. I thought: I'm terrified.

I'm white. I'm third generation. English isn't my first language but people can't tell unless I tell them and I certainly *sound* posh. I don't look Jewish until you put me in a room with the rest of that side of my family. I can, if necessary, leave the house without a wheelchair.

I pass. This is what I got while passing. I am terrified for the people who can't.
kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
The context is, naturally, Brexit; and equally naturally, that Leave supporters started telling each other that they should take pens along to polling stations, cast their votes in ink, and then leave the pen behind To Be Helpful. In case, I suppose, of some spectre of people rubbing out their marks and replacing them with something else. (For those of you unfamiliar with how the UK does this, you cast votes using a terribly quaint system of applying pencil to paper and sticking it in a box.)

Reproducing here for posterity and (well, there's a chance) interest. (Original.)

Read more... )

Yes, I typed the majority of that out one-handed on the auxiliary internet device's touchscreen, because typing still hurts. It is important and I had a feelings.
kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
In new flat.

Minor hand injury is making typing awkward for a few days so I am... going to be even slower than usual at replies, sorry.

Brief details. )
kaberett: A drawing of a black woman holding her right hand, minus a ring finger, in front of her face. "Oh, that. I cut it  off." (molly - cut it off)
Lots and lots of tweaking has happened over the past few days -- I've brought the footplate up a fraction, I've adjusted the upholstery tension, I've removed the arm rests and anti-tips, and I've swapped a drinks bottle holder onto it. A, meanwhile, has provided Sheer Brute Force and willingness to do fiddly little bits, and (a) got the axle bar moving for me and subsequently tightened it up again (so it's now medium tippy as opposed to not-even-remotely tippy), and (b) swapped the brakes over between chairs, so I've got scissor rather than push brakes on it.

So far I've used it getting home from Edinburgh on Saturday (with flat tyres, pre-tweaking) and out & about Sunday and today (post-major-tweaking).

Read more... )

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kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
kaberett

August 2016

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