kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
Hello! You are a person! You are probably lovely! I like people!

This journal ends up being a bit of a mix of Srs Business (rants; things I've learned from counselling; &c), fannish & scientific joy, linkspams, poetry, & misc life updates. I tag fairly compulsively, though not always helpfully; I use content notes; I have written up a cast of characters; I aim to maintain this as a safer space, and appreciate (but do not expect!) call-outs when I mess up.

I like it if you introduce yourself when you subscribe, but it's definitely not required. Probably 30% of this journal is access-locked; I give access very readily. Fanworks are always public; AO3 is the canonical place to find my list of works. I'm very happy for you to link to anything that's public, and I'll be even happier if you let me know you're doing it. :-)

Welcome!

permanent wishlist -- care & feeding () -- contact info ()


[archiveofourown.org profile] kaberett -- at the LashBlog -- [ravelry.com profile] kaberett -- BPAL.org -- kabe@rett.org.uk
kaberett: Photo of a pile of old leather-bound books. (books)
I have just finished it, rather late to the party (I was stuck, for several months, partway through Kalpa Imperial, which I found rather a slog, and suspect I didn't understand). I have a lot of inchoate thoughts about the ethics/mechanics/pragmatics of the ending, which I would like to sort of flap at people about, and in general I enjoyed it a lot and am really looking forward to subsequent books.

Links to discussion posts I avoided around release due to Spoilers v welcome.

(The author, Yoon Ha Lee, is on DW as [personal profile] yhlee and I greatly enjoy reading the short fiction including crackfic AUs of this series that he posts, along with everything else.)
kaberett: Reflections of a bare tree in river ice in Stockholm somehow end up clad in light. (tree-of-light)
(I don't recognise myself in the mirrors you hold up to me, and I keep crying in astonished gratitude about the things you see, and I'm trying to learn. I'm overwhelmed and grateful enough that I'm not really managing to respond to any of your threads yet, I'm sorry, but I'm beginning to find words; in the meantime, I just want to note that we've got nearly the entire alphabet represented, and we're over halfway to beating the comment count on the most participated-in love meme I've hosted.)
kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
12 new threads unscreened; working on the comments. xx

eta up-to-date with unscreening comments as of 17:15 GMT.
kaberett: a patch of sunlight on the carpet, shaped like a slightly wonky heart (light hearted)
The thing that's stuck with me most, from every Dreamwidth love meme I've ever participated in, is being told you make things seem more possible.

You make things seem more possible.

Please nominate yourselves; please nominate each other; comments are screened, and I'll unscreen and make up an index as we go.

Hello. I love you.

Index. )

Status: offline. Most recently added: cesy.
kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
(Aside: Today's xkcd is incredibly relevant to my interests.)


[CN breathing, internalised ableism, discussion of auto-gaslighting]

Respiratory. )


[CN gastric misc, disordered eating mention]

Digestion. )
kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
(hello folk who normally see me on IRC, the Internet connection I'm using til Friday doesn't like ssh and I can't face using WebIRC or whatever, so if you want me then e-mail/grab me on Telegram/send me a message/etc <3)
kaberett: a patch of sunlight on the carpet, shaped like a slightly wonky heart (light hearted)
Forward Arena are a tiny queer theatre company whose Kickstarter I'd been totally unaware of, but it turns out I love what they do so much that I went to see their two plays a combined total of five times -- Callisto and Children & Animals once each with [personal profile] sebastienne and [personal profile] shortcipher, then Callisto once with [personal profile] sebastienne, [personal profile] shortcipher and [personal profile] me_and once he'd joined us, and then Callisto and Children & Animals once more with [personal profile] me_and on the final day of the Fringe, after E-B & C had departed.

Callisto is on at the Arcola Theatre, London, next week only, in expanded form -- I'm going to see it on Friday, and there are till tickets available. Come squee with me, if appropriately located?

Callisto was described, in the Kickstarter blurb, as:
CALLISTO: A QUEER EPIC, by Howard Coase

"I don't believe the word love has ever meant the same thing twice."

London, 1680: Arabella Hunt is the star of La Callisto, and one half of the first recorded gay marriage in UK history.

Worcester, 1936: Alan Turing pays one final visit to Isobel Morcom, the mother of his lost first love.

San Fernando Valley, 1979: Tammy Frazer lands in Callisto Studios searching for the love of her life.

The Moon, 2223: Lorn is building a paradise to sleep in but Cal is determined to keep him awake.

Callisto: A Queer Epic circles around a constellation of four queer stories scattered across time and space, spanning the historical and the fictional plus everything in between, reframing past narratives and sculpting future worlds, unravelling closed ways of thinking and straight ways of seeing.


... and I love (loved! loved loved loved) it so much. It was brilliantly written, and brilliantly staged, and brilliantly costumed, and I love it.

Read more... )
kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
-- thank you so much; I am so looking forward to seeing the story you want to tell.

In general terms: I have a lot of feelings about families lost & found & chosen, and about loyalty, and about being fiercely alive, and about being othered and monstered and embracing that and defining what it means rather than letting it define you. I like fluff and intensity and delicious angsty pining (I was in Check, Please! fandom before The Kiss okay) and character studies and... honestly pretty much everything. Sweeping descriptions of mountains? Yep I will take those too. Whatever you would like to write. <3

In terms of sex-related squicks (should you feel moved to write sex; I really don't mind either way), pretty much the only restriction is that I would like there to be enthusiastic informed consent for any on-screen sex. Elsewise I'd rather not read descriptions of broken bones (especially hands) or damage to teeth; particularly for the Craft Sequence respectful (by which I mostly mean "sincere and good faith") handling of gender, trauma and disability matters to me.

I include slightly more detailed specific notes below in case you'd like something to bounce off, but as I say: really I am just looking forward to the story you have to tell.

Akata Witch - Nnedi Okorafor )

The Scorpio Races - Maggie Stiefvater )

Craft Sequence - Max Gladstone )

Jupiter Ascending (2015) )

Rules of Summer - Shaun Tan )

The Middleman (TV) )
kaberett: a watercolour painting of an oak leaf floating on calm water (leaf-on-water)
[I am using The Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Skills Workbook. DBT is a form of therapy that was developed by Marsha Linehan who would diagnose her 17-year-old self with Borderline Personality Disorder (CN for graphic discussion of self-injury, suicidality, and institutionalisation at that link).]

There are two intended audiences for The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook. The first is people who are in dialectical behavior therapy (either group or individual) and need a workbook to help learn the four key skills. We also wrote this book so it could be used independently by anyone who struggles with overwhelming feelings.

Read more... )
kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
Two major things: Yet More Lung Tests (I get to find out results on the 26th) and pain clinic psychologist assessment (physiotherapist will be happening tomorrow afternoon).

So far so good on the fluoxetine -- I'm not now getting BV every time I spend more than about two hours using a wheelchair (I am still managing to set it off occasionally, but by "occasionally" I mean "when spending all day travelling internationally after a solid preceding several days of Out And About In A Chair", which is consistent with other folk I know seeing slooow returns to baseline after discontinuing mirtazapine due to unacceptable side-effects). I'm still under-medicated (in that I'm irritable and weepy), so that's not brilliant, but I'm seeing my GP on Thursday, whereupon we will bump up the dose.

Read more... )
kaberett: a watercolour painting of an oak leaf floating on calm water (leaf-on-water)
I have very clear memories of my ten-year-old self being immensely, deeply unimpressed by Rothko and Mondrian. I was very angry about why this constituted "art"; my definition of art explicitly excluded square canvases painted a single colour.

My ten-year-old self is gently unimpressed every time I stop dead in front of a six-foot-square matte black canvas in an art gallery, wonderstruck, and go "hmm, yes, isn't it fascinating what's being done here, isn't this good."

I am nursing a theory that the main differences between me-then and me-now are:
  1. I'm no longer in a situation where my autism is actively decried, and have internalised that it's okay for particular colours or shapes to make me happy, just because, and (as a superset, really)
  2. I've started believing that it's okay for me to have and experience emotions full stop (and am sufficiently well medicated that I can and do).

Which means that, over the past few years, I've stopped interpreting modern and especially abstract art as, fundamentally, threats: I've stopped responding automatically with defensive suspicion and fury to forms of art that (crudely!) exist to make me feel things.

There is nuance to this, of course. Seeing the Barbara Hepworth exhibit at the Tate Britain, the (possible? probable?) reasons for my emotional response clicked into place when I read that a lot of her more abstract work was in response to or in dialogue with her feelings of being cradled by landscape, and particularly by the Lake District and by Cornwall; all of a sudden it was obvious to me that the sense of home-and-safety-and-familiarity I get off those sculptures is, in fact, the same sense of awe and belonging and recognition I get staring out to sea or feeling dwarfed on valley floors or what-have-you.

That was followed up by another visit to the Tate Britain, one day I wound up in the right area of London with some time to kill, where what I'd intended to do was poke my nose into some of the public galleries. I saw War Damaged Musical Instruments advertised on the website and ignored it -- and then stopped dead in the middle of the hall it occupied, the moment I got there, and spent twenty minutes sat there crying.


One of the things I've been gently sad about for quite a long time is that I'm a classically-trained musician who is mostly very, very bad at listening to classical music unless it's something I've played or am preparing to play, such that I'm listening as a technical study. (I think I've talked before about mostly relating to music as either a technical study or a vehicle for lyrics, but if not I can give it a go.) I'm starting to think it might be time to have another go.
kaberett: A photograph of a dark-grey train with white cogs painted on the side, with a bit of station roof visible above. (trains)
Wheelchair physics -- deliberately designed to be generally accessible and written by a physicist in collaboration with a wheelchair user. Links onward to a more in-depth PDF, which is probably something to read after I've slept...
kaberett: a patch of sunlight on the carpet, shaped like a slightly wonky heart (light hearted)
... because I have just made P read it, and then we stayed up til 1am talking about it, and I haven't talked about it here yet because Too Many Feelings, which I will now attempt to sketch.

(Spoilers within!)

Read more... )
kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
I started a new antidepressant on Monday. Read more... )


I saw respiratory medicine a week ago, for my first appointment, and it was promising in several respects. Read more... )


Gynaecology: ultrasound results not yet with my GP. I'm going back in a month and we'll talk about them then, or if there's anything particularly exciting in them he'll give me a ring. (There won't be.)


Pain clinic information session: less dire than I expected. Individual assessment as to whether I'm a good candidate for the group course to follow sometime in September.


Physio: still making improvements, though I'm (as expected) really struggling to manage the amount of physio I'm supposed to be doing with actually going into work, i.e. I've become much more inconsistent about compliance, which is vicious-spiralling slightly because of the associated increase in difficulty of doing the things. Nonetheless, podiatry are expecting to discharge me at my next appointment in September because of how much I've improved with them, and I think that's the right decision; chasing up physio for the rest of me is on the todo list but just... hasn't happened yet.

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kaberett

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